I was going through my Google Analytics report recently and I noticed some strange keyword searches on Google. Here are a few choice ones:
- “tasteless and offensive” net nanny
- dugong for sex
- model reading boobs
- manswers sailors had sex with sea animal
- sailors have sex with sea cows
- video of karen allen’s tushy
You guys are some sick puppies. I don’t know if I should make fun of you or feel bad that these searches brought you to my site. Actually I think my next goal is to have the strangest keyword bring back my site at the top of a Google search. Call it an experiment in SEO. We can find out once and for all if SEO really works.
Get ready to see this phrase peppered throughout my next few posts: Dr. Orangutan C Buttlove is seeking a playdate on the Sunset Strip. I can’t wait to see my referrer report getting even stranger!
*** Update ***
Well that worked.
September 5th, 2008
After moving into my new apartment last week I realized that the building was not wired for Cable. Apparently the building’s owner has such an anti-Charter bias he refuses to allow them to operate in his building. Convenient for the tenants for sure. I was left to choose between Dish Network and DirecTV for my television viewing.
The satellite guy recommend Dish Network because it was “easier” to setup for him. I really had no opinion either way so I signed off. After having virtually no problems with Charter other than the contractors they employ to install their equipment I was left to learn a new system. Here’s my opinion after one week of satellite service.
HD
I have a large and expensive TV. I have a certain level of expectation when it comes to my picture quality. Charter’s HD was incredible - the picture was crisp and the colors were vibrant. Their biggest problem was the dispute with Belo Corp that prevented CBS to be broadcast in HD. This required me to miss many SEC Football Games in HD. Not good times. I was looking forward to Dish Network’s HD. I knew they had CBS available and they also had many more HD channels than Charter. This of course was before I realized Dish Network recently lost an HD satellite. I’m not sure how that’s affected their HD capacity but the picture is not nearly as crisp as Charter. So far this has been disappointing. By the end of the year they’re supposed to launch the all-HD TurboHD explosion superpack which will bump the HD channels up to 150. Not much benefit if they can’t get the issues with the picture figured out.
Winner: Charter
DVR
With Charter I did not have DVR service because they had onDemand which I loved. Most of the shows I wanted to watch were available the next day on onDemand. Californication, Weeds, and Entourage were there, Music Videos were there, a whole slew of movies were there also. The only things that weren’t there were broadcast stations and sporting events and most of those things were available on Hulu. Now that I have Dish Network onDemand is not an option. Into the murky waters of DVR I now wade. It is a pain in the ass. For one thing you have to remember to record the shows you want to watch. With onDemand they were just there. Plus you constanstly run the risk of not capturing an entire episode of a show if it runs over or is delayed. Again with onDemand this was not an issue.
Winner: Charter
Pricing
With Charter I had all the movie channels, the HD package, and Internet access for about $108. Now with Dish Network I have America’s Top 200, 2 movie channels, and the HD package, and no Internet access for around $90. The lack of Internet access hurts and I have no doubt my bill will be pushed well beyond the $108 it was with Charter if Internet was factored in.
Winner: Charter
Outages
For me Charter’s outages were infrequent. I was once living in an old building and the Internet would go out semi-frequently but that was more of a hardware issue rather than Charter’s fault I believe. With satellite you are constantly at the mercy of the weather. In the first week that I’ve had service we had a severe rainstorm which knocked out service for the evening. When the winter snow season comes I expect further outages.
Winner: Charter
Channels
Due to financial constraints I dropped TMC, Cinemax, and Starz when I went to Dish Network. Those won’t really be missed. I got to keep Showtime and HBO as those are my primary viewing stations. Despite losing those movie channels I did gain several quality stations including ESPNews, ESPN Classic, NFL Network, and Fuse. Picture be damned there are many more HD channels available as well.
Winner: Dish Network
Contracts
With Charter there are no contracts. Cancel anytime. Change service when you want and there will be no fees. This has benefits and disadvantages. Good: If I dislike the service I can threaten to leave (and actually do it) at any point in time. Bad: Charter can jack up the rates whenever they choose (and believe they do it and try to be real sneaky about it). With Dish Network I have a 2 year contract. If I cancel service I will be hit with a hefty fine in the range of $120 or so. Contracts are a pain in the ass but at least you know there won’t be any surprise $50 upcharges on your bill.
Winner: Dish Network
Overall I think Dish Network has a lot of potential and I’m still figuring it all out but Charter did provide me with great service for over 4 years and at this point I still miss them.
Overall Winner: Charter Cable
August 4th, 2008
I’ve already written about my disdain for the STLToday.com redesign. Well I still haven’t gotten over it. The geniuses over at the Post have decided to use a combination of Flash, JavaScript, and a kick in the nuts to shove advertisements in your face wherever you look. They are unavoidable. Here’s a brief tour in pictures.
The page loads. In the top left corner of the page seems to be peeled down revealing an ad that screams “Free Gas!” on a neon green background with white dollar signs flying around. The corner appears to be heaving/wheezing/pulsating and distracts you from reading the news.
What happens when you mouseover such an ad? Well of course it peels down to cover the entire freaking screen you’re looking at!
To get rid of this monstrosity you have to wait for the entire thing to peel down then wait for the close button to appear then click it then instead of just going away it has to peel all the way back up. Terrible implementation.
The second ad on the page is even worse. Worse because it’s almost unavoidable. If you scroll the page using the scrollbar you’re safe but if you’re like me and use a scrollwheel mouse or two finger scroll on a Mac you will hit this ad. This ad for Shubert Funiture Two covers the entire width of the page.
What happens when you mouseover it? Of course it covers the entire screen.
Again you must wait for the entire animation to complete loading then find the close button (not an easy task) and click it. I realize this is the “going out of business sale” but get out of my face. This has to be the most obtrusive news site ever created.
How has this effected my reading habits? Well I used to scan every section of the site now I just skim the homepage for as long as I can stand sometimes not even 5 minutes. I would be interested to see how their pageviews have gone down since the redesign. I’m now spending much more time reading The Guardian UK for my news. Shockingly the reporting on US news is better than what we have here in America. I’m also thinking about giving Newsweek a chance and for local news possibly switching to KSDK.com.
June 26th, 2008
Sometime around 1994 when the Internet arrived in the Dozier home in the form of America Online we had a blazing 2400 baud modem and were limited to 10 free hours a month. Imagine that. 10 hours a month! I’m online that much everyday now it seems.
Now Time Warner has introduced the idea of Internet Metering which would charge users based on much bandwidth they consume in a month.
From the article:
In that trial, new customers can buy plans with a 5-gigabyte cap, a 20-gigabyte cap or a 40-gigabyte cap. Prices for those plans range from $30 to $50. Above the cap, customers pay $1 a gigabyte. Plans with higher caps come with faster service.
This tiered pricing model won’t effect users who just check email and stock quotes but for the growing majority of Internet users this is a huge blow. With the convergence of Internet/TV/Video/Music there is no way a bandwidth cap will provide an adequate service level. My new Roku Netflix Player can consume up to 5GB per movie. That would put me into the second tier in under two hours!
Imagine all the things the Internet can be used for that would classify someone as a “bandwidth hog”. Hulu, iTunes, XBox, BitTorrent, Sirius Online, Skype, Vonage, Videoconferencing, and more. Plus applications are moving from the desktop to the online space so more and more people are spending more time connected. Eventually (nearly) all business will be conducted online.
I’m not some hippie but I do believe the Internet should be free for everyone. I believe that someday this will be reality. Every device will have an IP address. From our homes to our cars to our coffee makers. Capping Internet usage is doomed to failure and the executives that dreamed up this scheme are clueless.
The NYTimes article cites AT&T, Comcast, and Time Warner as planning on implementing these metering policies. I have Charter Cable which is already the worst company on the planet. I think my head might explode if they decided to go this route. I’m upset enough about the concept of throttling my connection speed and now this. Going back to the AOL pricing models of the early nineties is not an innovative new idea. It’s a giant step backward.
June 18th, 2008
This is part one in a continuing series of call-outs when I think my friends have written something stupid.
My friend/co-worker/punching bag Matt has written a post weighing the benefits and costs of purchasing the latest version of the iPhone that will be released on July 11. He reached the conclusion that the iPhone 2.0 is not worth the cost. That’s fine it’s his blog so he can have whatever opinion he wants but he reached this decision by using uninformed and illogical arguments. He also used a lot of douchebaggy language that he learned while attending at B-School at the Harvard of Natural Bridge Rd.
Here are some excerpts:
When the first iPhone came out, the decision to buy was pretty easy. The EDGE network was too slow, and, whenever I am around WIFI, I have access to a computer - home, work, school, etc. So, the most significant feature of the iPhone - access to the Internet - was completely useless.
First of all free WIFI is readily available in many areas including coffee shops, airports, sports arenas, bars, restaurants, bookstores, etc. So calling the Internet access feature “completely useless’ is overreaching. Yes the EDGE network is balls. It’s really, really slow. I even wrote about that. But there are plenty of places where the iPhone is usable and quite valuable.
It would fill in any gaps that I currently have in Internet access with a tool that provides adequate access to the Internet (although, the iPhone still does not fully support Flash, Silverlight, or any streaming audio format).
Flash sucks and you know it. God how obtrusive. Seriously most of the apps I use have no need for Flash. iPhone apps use AJAX pretty extensively and the functionality works well. There are apps for Flash video including YouTube but I can’t think of any other times I would need it except maybe Slacker/Pandora/Last.fm and you can jailbreak the phone (if you want to risk it) for those apps. I don’t see Silverlight hitting the mainstream (at least I hope not) because everything Microsoft is doing right now seems so stale.
But, I have lingering doubts that with 4G (LTE and WiMax) right around the corner, 3G will be slow in comparison to whats around next year.
What kind of attitude is that? Of course something better is always right around the corner that’s what makes technology so much fun. I was wondering why you were still using a Commodore 64.
The second generation iPhone requires a 2 year contract through AT&T. This contract will lock you into guaranteed rates of $30-45/month (depending on plan) for data on top of the existing voice plan.
Everytime you get a new phone with any carrier you are required to lock into a 2 year contract. But you can always get another phone and just change/extend the contract. I never saw this as a big deal. Are you really changing carriers every week? The data plan has gone up $10/month over the previous iPhone and that does suck.
The iPhone would increase my current contract by a minimum of $25/month. Over 24 months (and factoring in a nearly risk-free return of 3% from ING), the contract alone would cost me $618 more.
I know you have a Razr but you’re forgetting just how cool this phone is. It’s worth the extra money. I highly doubt you would be saving the $25/month anyway you’ll probably just use that money to buy terrible 80’s music that your girlfriend tells you is good.
For me the GPS and apps are quite trivial and will not factor into my decision.
That’s the old way of thinking. On normal cellphones the apps are trivial and almost impossible to use. The iPhone is quite different. The apps make the device. They are incredible and extremely easy to use.
But, of course, that could change when I see all my friends with one. Sometimes, you just have to be a little irrational.
Like writing that post? Yeah that was a little irrational.
Now go buy an iPhone! Ha, Love ya Matt!
June 11th, 2008
Last night I finally received my newest toy, the Roku Netflix Player. After waiting almost two weeks for backordering and Fedex’s slooooow ground shipping to get here I came home after work and there it was. A tiny black box roughly the size of a paperback book (if that book is the Bible) that I could watch my Netflix movies on! No more waiting for the mail to get here! I was excited. Then I tried to set it up which turned into a major pain in the ass.
The contents of the box were simple. The player, a remote, and cables. Easy enough. I hooked up the Roku to my TV via HDMI and plugged it in fully expecting it would detect my wireless network and be on it’s way. Not so fast. It found my network alright but it refused to let me connect. After unhooking and reconnecting wires and restarting modems and routers I still had nothing. I was pissed and a little sweaty.
I logged on to the Roku support website where I was told to hook the player up through a wired connection “just to get it started”. Apparently there was a software update that needed to be installed which would greatly improve the networking capabilities of the box. Now how I was expected to know that a product that was just released two weeks ago needed a software update I’m not sure but I decided to give it a try. I dug out my 25ft ethernet cable and hooked it directly into the box. Everything finally worked. The software installed and I was viewing my queue in seconds. I wasn’t quite prepared to be tripping over ethernet cable for the next 6 months however so I gave the wireless route another go.
Of course that didn’t work. Same error as earlier. I was seriously about to smash this POS with a hammer. I took a deep breath and tried it one last time. Unhooked and power cycled everything then said a little prayer to Jeebus Cripes. And what do you know….it worked! Estimated time of install = 2 hours.
Making up for all the hassle is the interface. It is slick! The videos are near DVD quality and after adding a movie to your instant queue it appears in about 15 seconds on screen. Netflix has done it once again.
There are, of course, some areas for improvement:
Selection Only about 10,000 of Netflix’s 100,000 movies are available for instant watching. They need to work hard to increase this selection. Most TV shows seem to be there so that is a plus.
Blu-Ray All the videos are standard def. It would be nice to have a few HD choices in there as well. Like I said the majority of videos I tested were DVD or near-DVD quality but a few looked like they were on the edge of VHS quality.
DVD Menus/Controls I understand the nature of the Internet and the effect that it has on video but I would like the full DVD controls to be available on these videos. FF/Rewind/Next/Previous/Extras etc. Right now there is a rudimentary FF/Rewind functionality.
More than Netflix One of the biggest drawbacks is that this box only plays Netflix videos. I realize that’s the point but I would like to see it incorporate content from other sites. If they add Hulu, DailyShow.com, and South Park Studios I don’t think I would ever leave the house. Mp3 and XVid would be gravy.
I would like to personally thank George W. Bush for the economic stimulus which allowed me to purchase this $99 box. Thanks Bushie this almost makes up for the time you cock-blocked me back in 2004 (that’s a story for another post).
June 5th, 2008
There has been speculation for a while about the impending 3G refresh of the iPhone. Now Techcrunch is reporting that the newest release could be imminent .
As an early adopter (I was one of the saps who paid $599 for one of the first iPhones) I have noticed a few areas for improvement with this device. My complaints are minimal as this is definitely the most amazing phone/camera/web browser/mp3 player I’ve ever expected to carry around in my pocket. Here’s my wishlist for the newest iPhone:
3G This goes without saying. I mean it’s basically what all the speculation surrounding the newest iPhone has been about but I think it bears repeating. AT&T’s Edge Network is slooooow. It’s by far the biggest downfall of the iPhone. I mean if my little sister can access the Internet faster on a Nokia POS than I can what’s the benefit? Why am I paying for a full version of Safari if I have to be sitting in a Wifi hotspot for it to work properly? This has to happen.
MMS Another peeve of mine is the inability to send or receive picture texts. Everytime someone sends me one (which is more often than you’d think) I’m directed to viewmymessage.com which is another awful AT&T implementation. The website is slow, sometimes it doesn’t even work at all, and my pictures are deleted after a week. So annoying.
MS Exchange Support This is an item that has been confirmed by both Apple and Microsoft and should be implemented by the end of June. This is long past due. Now I’ll actually be able to check my work email and my Hotmail on the phone. Ah delicious. I’ve been complaining about the lack of this feature for awhile and people often ask me why I’m not using Gmail or some other email service and my response is that I’ve been a Hotmail user since about 1995 and changing would be more pain that it’s worth. Just please add this feature to the phone and quickly.
Sharing Music I would like the ability to share music in your iTunes library with any iPhone in the nearby vicinity. I realize there would be some copyright concerns but Microsoft has already figured this out with the Zune. Too bad nobody actually uses a Zune. This would be a perfect app for the iPhone. Maybe they could delete the files after a certain number of days or plays.
Videos The camera for the iPhone sucks but it is still the best camera phone I’ve ever used. However, it lacks the ability to record video. I would like to record a video and send it via text. Another reason to allow MMS.
Radio (AM/FM/Sirius) Imagine listening to your latest Britney Spears download and then flipping over to Howard Stern on Sirius or whatever local talking head you listen to. It would be a nice addition.
Some other minor additions:
- Ability to copy/paste text
- Ability to search your contact list
- Widescreen support for text messaging
- Flash support for the mini Safari browser
These are pretty standard requests. Many people have posted similar blogs over the past year. Hopefully Apple will pull out a few or all of them. If they do I’ll be selling a year old 4GB iPhone on eBay and upgrading.
May 12th, 2008
The St. Louis Post-Dispatch underwent a redesign this week and the results are very….underwhelming. Now I’m not a designer (I mean look at the design of this site) but I can tell you what works and what doesn’t. This design does not.
A large city newspaper should look at least semi-professional. I’m not sure what the Post is going for with this one. I guess they wanted to “hip it up” and make it all web 2.0-y. But the teal background (ooh look a gradient!), gigantic hover menu, outsized fonts, and confusing page organization kind of miss the point. Really what should the most important part of this site be? Hmm, maybe the ability to easily find and read the content of the paper?
They’ve somehow decided to cram every possible link they have into the navigation menu. Just look at the size of this thing. Talk about obtrusive.
So far the readership has not been kind. Just read the comments on the post announcing the redesign: Frequently asked questions about the new STLtoday. Harsh. Really harsh.
I have higher hopes for the “#1 St. Louis Website.” I can’t even send a link to my friends in LA, Chicago, or gulp even Springfield without cringing. I know I’ll have to explain yes, this is actually our website. No, I don’t think it looks good either. Yes, St. Louis sucks compared to your city.
I don’t know. What do you guys think?
May 9th, 2008
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